Senior Year Reflection

It is my last year as an undergrad. It has taken me some time to get here, from going to a community college and then transferring to a university, graduation is just a few months away. Within the last few years, I have tried to cultivate the practice of being introspective and taking time to reflect. Here are some reflections.

Even when seasons change, God remains the same. I am from Florida, the Sunshine state <3. Where most days you feel the warmth of the sun not just on your skin but also on your car seats. Where the leaves and grass hardly ever change from their green hue. As I transferred colleges and moved to a state that experienced seasons, my sunny days were limited. The leaves turn into beautiful varying shades of red. The weather gets cooler and then slowly... the leaves fall off one by one. The skies are grey, and the trees are barren. It's my third year experiencing winter and I still struggle to figure out what clothes will keep me warm. But, throughout the seasons, whether the literal four seasons or seasons of life, God's faithfulness, and love stay the same. What a beautiful reminder.

Get over feeling inadequate. I know I am not alone when I share that I have often felt inadequate. I have felt that I am not good enough to share my story in a room of people who are vastly different from me. I have felt inadequate to do a task someone has entrusted me to do. I have felt inadequate to complete my studies. I have felt inadequate in friendships. A wise gentleman from my church said, “Get over feeling inadequate.” This comment was not directed toward anyone specific. As soon as he said that it just stuck. I have to believe and be confident that with Christ I am enough. The Lord will guide me and provide me with skills. He has given me gifts and talents.

Nothing is wasted. A spiritually impactful book I read recently was A Rhythm of Prayer which contains a collection of prayers. The prayer titled Reconciliation Soup by Osheta Moore has stuck with me the most.

“Jesus, thank you that in the Father’s economy, nothing is wasted! Not our fears, not our tears, not our questions, and most definitely, not our prayers. Especially when we pray for your shalom. Lord, take our tears that sometimes feel inadequate and use them to make a banquet table of hope before us” (page 54)

Within a week of reading that passage, I saw the theme of nothing being wasted in different areas. For instance, we had guest speakers in one of my classes that shared the same sentiment. The speakers were an older married missionary couple who were serving in Mongolia. The couple's call to missions came to them later in their lives. The woman spoke about how truly nothing is wasted. She shared how the German she had learn when she was 15 became useful literally decades later in Mongolia. Another instance where this theme appeared was with a nonprofit director. The director shared how one of her staff members had previously worked at a grocery store. The staff member shares that if it was not for working at a grocery store, they wouldn't have known how to organize the nonprofit's food pantry and donations. It warmed my heart to hear these stories. As I reflect on my own life, I am hopeful that these past years will prove useful in the future.

Intentional. It is a word that I have tried to live out. Often this word is used within the context of relationships. To be intentional with those around you and cultivate meaningful friendships. Although I am not downplaying the significance of that I have come to be intentional in different areas of my life. Within the last two years, I have been intentional in addressing my past wounds as opposed to burying them. This process has included me going to counseling (ask me about it sometime), talking about it with friends, and journaling. In a sort of similar way, I have been intentional with creating space in my life to reflect and have fun. It is through pausing that I have been able to see God in my situations. God is intentionally seeking his creation. I forget about that sometimes.

May this encourage you to reflect on the things you have learned within the past year.

Your friend,

Ashley